The decision x

Today I sat down in my nice house, with my fluffy cat next to me, and something occurred to me, I am bored. Am I bored with my husband? Hes perfect why would I be? Am I bored with my job? Well once you know more about me you will know that that is impossible. I don't have children, and I go on 6 holidays a year, I am not rich, far from it, but I don't have any money worries either due my job not his. My husband buys me flowers, and makes me feel loved. I work in a job where I am objectified by men and this makes me feel like I have ok self esteme, I am not blonde or 6ft 7 and I am a larger girl but this kind of works for me, I am comfortable and confident in my own skin and this makes me feel sexy and sassy. But with all of my finer things in life I am still bored.

I read an article a year back explaining why so many people get a divorce, apparently it is because people that have been married for a long time have lower happiness or satisfaction expectations than those that have more relationships and have been divorced. My husbands parents have been married over 30 years, and so had there parents, so you can guess my husbands expectations are pretty low. My dad has been married for 15 years (all be it to a woman literally as dull as dishwater) and my mum was married for just a year to my former stepfather, she largely has just been single for most of the 90s and beyond, my brother the has had a few relationships but no more than 2 years or so, so I guess thats where my high expectations are from.

I wouldn't consider myself to have high expectations, but on paper you will see that I am 28 and have been with hubby for less than 5 years and 3 of those we were married, on paper you will also see I was in a relationship from age 17 to 20ish and then springboard (overlapped) from that relationship to one until I was 22 and then was single until I was 24, so only 2 years of my adult life have I spent atcualy single, I didn't like it, I hated it in fact! The whole dating scene had changed since I was 17 and and there were words I did not understand, like exclusive, dating and friend zone – we had changed into Americans while I was being betty crocker.

So when I met hubby though friends, a shy, quite man with potential I went on a few dates with him, and when he got down on one knee I accepted, he loved me, he adored me, to him, I was the one! I didn't want to hurt him, I loved him, I still do a lot, but by the time I had gotten swept up in wedding planning and dress shopping any doubts I had had were coverd in confetti, and by the time I had gotten to sit down and wonder if he was the man for me, it was the night before my wedding. As I said earlier, I am not American, I am from the uk and I am yet to meet anybody who has not stared in a movie that has spent 17k on a wedding and ran out on it, I mean it just does not happen to people we know, so I married him, I was happy, it was a great day, and fantastic things have happened, I have changed carers into a successful field, we have brought and sold 2 houses, and we have a great network of family. I guess now would be the time to have children, maybe that's why so many married people have them, they have just ran out of things to talk about and the last resort is to just have kids and focus on something or somebody elce. I don't want kids and never have, hes ok with that, I hope.

So here I am, happy with my husband and bored with life. So I have decided to take a bold step, I am going to start having sex with other men to save my marriage. I have decided to document it on this blog, not because I am a slut, a bad wife, or attention seeker, but because I cant exactly tell my friends can I??? Does my husband know? Well he is no idiot, so he might know, but as I said, I work in an industry where its not unheard of me to be naked with other men, (im not a hooker) so the lines of monogamy are somewhat blured here. So here I will take you through the good, the bad and the darn right dirty, because If I dont do this, I know I will fold on this perfectly good marriage, but if I do, if I do something that society sees something that men can do but women not, what will happen?

Well hopefully I wont be bored anymore

I hope to to see you in the next blog post,

Love

Louisa x